Grr

Still mad.

Why is it that I have to have a life like this? I was born with it, that's why. I was born with my parents' mistakes and separations from other people, and I live with the consequences of their actions.

Which means that I do not have all the help I need to get through these first few weeks, to put together this memorial service, to get the things I need. My parents have been separated for 40 years and at the time of her death, they were not speaking to each other. My mother's siblings have done nothing for her throughout her very long illness. My husband is here, my two best friends, but no one else. I don't even know any of my cousins.

I can't help but complain. Some months ago when someone I knew had her husband die suddenly I organized a huge network of people in the neighborhood to come to bring her food for months, and to mow her lawn. I wrote the thank you note for her to all the people for what they did.

I have neither heard a word or seen her since the few days before I told her my mom was dying, hence the rather snarky ecard I made up yesterday.

I am no longer so hurt, just pissed. Part of that I know, is the fact that I am adjusting to my mom's death and quite angry about that. I am trying hard not to be resentful. My long-term friends have been very kind.

But still. Grr.